people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
