I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
