Define "chronic" masturbator.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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