my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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