yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
