Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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