i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
