u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
