My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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