U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
