Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
