sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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