I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
