So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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