another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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