i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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