My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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