I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
