Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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