No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
