worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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