Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
