Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize