this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
