we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
