are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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