This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
