I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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