Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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