why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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