no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
