Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
