just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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