bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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