Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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