you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
