Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
