He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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