you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
