I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
