We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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