Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
