There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize