I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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