i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
