forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
