You're so nebulous sometimes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
