No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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