Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had to cum in my sink.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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