Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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