if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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