Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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