You don't have asthma, your pregnant
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
