I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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