I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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