I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
