to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
