I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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