I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
