bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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