Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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