you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
