We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
