im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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