It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
