I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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