I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize