I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
