Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
