Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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