I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
