Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
