As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
