that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
